“Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter”
It should be figured that once things start to actually shape up in my family structure, that it should be forced to deter away from “home”.
Everyone keeps telling me that my dad having to work for this company is no big deal. And I get it. But heres what you don’t get….whenever I finally get things back on track, it gets taken away from me. I just finished shaping mine and my dads relationship, and was just starting to make it concrete…and now I have to go without seeing him? Where’s the just in that? Somedays I think “Well…he waited 18 years to do it…what’s some more time? After all…Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” But then I look at the relationships I have with my friends that are hundreds of miles away…yeah some of them are great, but I can’t help but think that no matter what happens, things will be different when we all gather in the 810. SO are things going to slip back into the old ways? I cry myself to sleep with all the stress in my mind. AND THEN I find out today, through a friend, who found out from his mom, who found out through his dad…that my dad has gone cold turkey on drinking because of our financial problems. Really? Did that just SLIP someones mind?
Somedays I want to go back to the 810 soooo bad and then other days, just for my sanity’s sake, think that staying back in the 616 would be better for my health. But I need out of here…even if just for a week. To go where I will only be disappointed by the lack of jobs, and lack of motivation I find myself having when it comes to being on top of my studies.
In other news, I’ve started to venture outside of my “comfort zone” here at school. I tried to pledge a sorority to get more of an insight into what the big hulabaloo was, and to be honest I was jealous of the friendships people had formed, and I was truly encaptured into what I discovered. And no one, even now, knows except for those close to me. And I was chastised by some for what I did, and I realized the wrong that I had been speaking to so many others, and how much it hurt. I’m so glad I did what I did, even if I didn’t make it. I will for sure do it next semester. I started to party and “go out”. This causing me to make more friends, maybe not strong bonds, but I’ve found more commonalities that make my situation SO much easier. I’ve started stepping out of my door more often too to talk to my roommates. I’ve told them some of my darkest secrets and now have no problem telling them what I’m comfortable and uncomfortable with, and at times I have even found myself at my most vulnerable, crying into their shoulders.
Now is the time I must figure out how to truly fend for myself. Depending on my parents has become a facade of yesterday. I miss my youth. I need a guiding light, I can’t do this on my own….
We have a birth certificate to prove we were born
We have a death certificate to prove we died
But we only have picture to prove that we once lived…
